Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
