I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
