where does the pee come out of this thing
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
