I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
