I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
