omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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