My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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