one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
