We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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