I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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