8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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