I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
