I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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