Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
