based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
