So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
