I hope mine doesn't look like that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
