Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
