just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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