I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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