Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
