i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
