im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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