omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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