the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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