who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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