speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
