If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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