my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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