Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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