I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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