Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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