I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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