I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
