Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
