Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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