Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
