I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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