but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
