I'm so fucking centered right now
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this just has baby written all over it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
