No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
