I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
