butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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