i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
