Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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