I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
