oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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