the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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