I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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