Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
