Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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