If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
