i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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