I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
