Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
