Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
