I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
