Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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