I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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