Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
