the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
