Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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