I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
