fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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