I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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