I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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