drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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