the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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