Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
try to milk me bitch
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
